You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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