dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
there is glitter all over my balls
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
