i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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