you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
