the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
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He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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