I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
