you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
nutella sex= disaster
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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