If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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