This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
