Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
