If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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