I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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