then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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