Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
