ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
