the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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