yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
