my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
