I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
