3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
