Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i love accidental penises.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
