Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
