WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
