Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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