Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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