I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
