Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
