just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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