I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
