tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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