I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
