where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Life is so much better after having sex.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
