google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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