I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
