theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize