first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I deserve this hangover.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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