I like my sex mixed with concussions.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
