just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
