Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
