Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
