I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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