community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
