i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
