hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
