I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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