the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
