He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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