apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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