Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have fence marks all over my body
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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