and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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