I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
