i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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