Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
