God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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