my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
