I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
