he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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