The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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