dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
