Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Welp...herpes.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
im on a boat
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