I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
