so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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