roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think I sprained my soul last night
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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