I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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