you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
