You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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