By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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