It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I can't turn off my feet"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
