I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
